My experience in the office today was quite engaging and depressing at the same time. Work wan finish me! I didn’t even wait for Chizzy my colleague to come out from the rest room before dashing off towards the main exit.
“Shey I asked you to wait for me to just wee in the rest room so we can leave together?” she asked with some resentment in her face.
“Babe no vex, I just taya for that office today” I muttered as we both head towards the gate.
Some days are just like that. All I want to do is get to my room, pour water on my body, put on the fan and sleep. Unfortunately, that’s not going to be the case as today is Wednesday; its fellowship day and not one I’ll want to miss for anything, especially the worship session. Lemme just go and pour out this frustration at His feet with the hope of exchanging it for comfort and rejuvenation.
I got a seat in the center column, close to some folks whose faces I’ve seen a couple of times in the youth meetings. I felt a bit discomforted by my location. The camera man seemed not to find anywhere else to focus his lens other than my area; plus my face that is struggling to come to terms with the fact that I am no longer in the office. I managed to put together a smile each time I see my face on the big screen 😬.
I waited eagerly for the moment to come; the moment of worship where I can lose myself in his presence and worship with the heavenly host. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have to wait for too long as that sister walked up the stage to lead the worship. I was excited. 😄
“That’s one of my favorite choristers” I whispered to my colleague who was visiting my church for the first time and seated next to me.
The auditorium was well lit. The instruments were at their best and songs carefully rolled out from the depth of her heart. The atmosphere was similar to the one we see in Hill Song’s videos; in Australia. It all sounded like what I was used to. One thing was missing; I didn’t feel like I would feel in those moments.
I tried to raise my hands in adoration, only to feel a sudden consciousness of people around me watching. I opened my eyes to see, but met a scene of worshipers focusing on their God and lifting up holy hands. Somehow, I could not bring myself attune with my environment. Why do I suddenly feel like I’m being watched? Why are my concerned about who might be looking at me?
I opened my mouth to pray in the spirit. All I could hear were words that mumbled together from a mouth that wasn’t connected with the heart. I was practically disconnected from the worship. I tried my best to put up a good show since there was someone who might be looking at me (even though this person only existed in my imagination). And to think of the fact that my colleague from work, who sees me as a spiritual brother, is just beside me, I can’t afford to be lost oooo.
Finally, the service ended and I was still with my bag of frustration. Well, something new was added to it; resentment. I felt a deep sense of self hate springing up on the inside and it looked like the devil had come over for a pep talk. Just about the time when I would begin condemning myself, the Spirit of the Lord came comforting 😀. He talked to me about what happened in church and why it was so.
You see, I had just started worshiping in my local assembly some six months ago. I loved the assembly and everything was perfect. I started attending the youth meetings as well as the young professionals meeting organized by the youth arm. Somehow, I became popular among members due to my participation and contributions in Bible study meetings. In fact, at one point, I won a Bible quiz competition for my camp. I didn’t see the pride coming. I didn’t know I had become conceited as a result of admiration from my fellow soldiers. I got entangled in the mix that I forgot it wasn’t about me. I became focused on self that the weight of flesh didn’t allow me ascend the throne during the worship.
I understand we can easily be carried away by the activities around. This is the more reason why we need to constantly examine ourselves and be sure of the path we’re trailing. Please share your experience with us on how you got back to track in the midst of distractions, in the comment session. You can also share your story by sending a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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Grace and peace fam!